So, after months of taking a break from fertility treatments, tomorrow I head back to the clinic. Back to 7 am bloodwork. Back to obsessing about meds. Back to spreading my legs for all scrub-wearers' miscellaneous uncles, aunts, and other alleged med students. Back to trying to beat my record for how quickly I can undress from the waist down. Back to nurses commenting on my skinny veins as they randomly and repeatedly poke and prod their fat needles into my arm without success. Back to my own personal horror show.... As you can tell, I'm really looking forward to it!
After the great debacle of ttc month number 16 (the month of the false positive HSG test which incorrectly showed bilaterally blocked tubes... which, in turn, led to three unnecessary IVFs because my RE swore that I didn't need a repeat HSG test... which, in turn, led to my unforgettably wonderful OHSS experience and multiple trips to the hospital for drug side effects... which, in turn, led me to finally get on the operating table for a laporoscapy.. which, in turn, led my RE to unapologetically report, "oops... these HSG tests do have a fairly high false positive rate. Your tubes are completely open. Hmmmm... interesting." Yeah!! Because that's what I'm here for. Your interest and entertainment!!! ERRR!!!.... As you can tell, I'm not bitter at all... despite my remarkably un-bitter attitude, I am going to a brand new fertility clinic tomorrow...but I digress again)
After the great debacle of ttc month number 16, going to the dentist for a root canal sounds far more appealing than stepping foot in a fertility clinic! My DH hates the clinics even more than me, if that is even possible. He is completely against me going back on any form of fertility medication because of my body's general rejection of fake hormones.... So I'm sure it will lead to another fertility-based battle between us tomorrow...
In summary.. .tomorrow I am knowlingly re-entering my own personal nightmare and, in case that doesn't sound stupid enough.... I am willfully fighting with my DH and, if I win our argument, I will be rewarded with the opportunity to once again be stabbed with needles and exposed to horrifying drug side effects... Yup. I'm kind of like the ditsy girl from the horror movie who hears the unusual murderous animal noise and, instead of running as far as her skinny little legs will carry her, she moves right towards the noise....and we all know how that story ends....
It is truly amazing what we women will do... all in the name of being a mom....
Cheers.
I found your blog through "Stirrup Queens" Hope you don't mind me following a long. Isn't it amazing the amount of torture we are willing to endure to become moms. So sorry for your experience the last month and I wish you the best of luck this time around!
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh! That sounds awful! I would say that after all that I would have taken an even longer break than you did, but I know that's not true. We will put ourselves through hell and back for this, but we all know it's worth it! On the bright side, when the future baby reaches his or her teen years and tries to rebel, you can show them this blog. Maybe they'll have mercy ^_^
ReplyDeleteadmittedly, this whole process is a pain in the ass. all i can do, i find, is try to stay positive. otherwise i start thinking that i'm not sure if its worth it and that sucks me into a whirlpool of despair. i hope your appointment goes well tomorrow and you both find an RE you can gel with and who will take your concerns and your body into consideration with respect. best wishes!
ReplyDeleteAll I can say is good luck - and I hope things go better this time.
ReplyDeleteI hope this new RE has a good plan for you! You have been through so much already. I hope it's painless for you!
ReplyDeleteHi, I'm a fellow new blogger as well. Good Luck on your newest trip into IF world. I hope this trip ends in a BFP for you.
ReplyDelete