So... I get a call from my friend yesterday who says "Jane (that's a friend of ours who I renamed Jane to protect the 'innocent') has really gotten herself into a pickle this time." Now as a bit of a back story... Jane is a VERY single friend who is extremely picky about who she dates... sort of like a Seinfeld episode where she notices something subtly annoying about a potential boyfriend, like when he chews his food his cheeks puff out slightly or he has a small freckle on the tip of his ear.... or something of the sort. And, as soon as the habit is uncovered, she claims that it is more than she can bear and goes running for the hills. Before running back to the hills, however, she often engages in some light BD. Hmmm... Just realized 'it' is probably not called BD unless it is used for the purpose of making babies huh? (ah.. those were the days) So she engages in some heavy ED (enjoyment dancing????)
Anyway - back to the phone call...
Friend: "Jane has really gotten herself into a pickle this time."
Me: "She's pregnant" (jokingly...... JOKINGLY.... I was only JOKING...)
Friend: "Yup. She is sick about it. It is just an awful situation for her. She doesn't know if she is going to keep 'it'. She thought she didn't ovulate properly so she didn't use protection."
Me: (while simultaneously instructing my brain to refrain from blurting out choice words about my disdain for tales of accidental pregnancy) "Who's the father?"
Friend: "Some guy she dated a few times. They had just decided that their relationship had to end because she wanted to have kids one day and he didn't want any. Now he is probably going to move in."
Ironic. Perhaps. Or perhaps the conversation was explicitly scripted for another episode of the candid camera show that is my life. I just keep waiting for the guy with the microphone to pop out from behind the bushes and scream. "You're on candid camera."
In other episodes from this year...
My hairdresser became 'accidentally' pregnant... AND HERE'S THE KICKER... her husband had a vesectomy! ARE... YOU... KIDDING.... ME?
And then... in a world where one might assume that it is impossible to hear of two vesectomy stories within two days of each other (ha.).... I visited a friend's house and she told me a "really funny story." Apparently a girl we went to high school with is pregnant with her third child... and... Yup... you guessed it? Her husband was scheduled for a vesectomy later that month AND she was still breastfeeding. ARE... YOU... SERIOUSLY... SERIOUSLY... KIDDING... ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wake me up when the joke is over!
Don't get me wrong. I wish my friend all the best. I know that accidental pregnancies often become beautiful and miraculous blessings.
But what's next? Getting pregnant from a toilet seat? Getting pregnant from passing by a room with sperm in it? Getting pregnant by sitting on the same couch...fully clothed... in the absence of any physical contact? Getting pregnant by breathing in unison?