Useless Advice I Want to Give Back

I'm not one to hog all of the fertiles wonderful words of useless advice without giving any back.  Oh fertiles.  Your random, unscientific words of wisdom.  They mean so much to me.  And so now I offer similar advice back to you.

Fertile Complaint:  I never go out any more.
My Advice:  I guess going out wasn't in God's plan for you.

Fertile Complaint:  I feel fat.
My Advice:  Being skinny just wasn't meant to be for you at this time in your life.

Fertile Complaint:  I am so tired after having this baby.
My Advice:  Just relax.

Fertile Complaint:  My breasts have deflated after having the baby.
My Advice:  Well, maybe you just aren't using the right positions.  Have you considered standing on your head.  Or learning to walk on your hands.  That should keep those girls upright.

Fertile Complaint:  I'm an anxious mom.
My Advice:  I heard that if you go away on vacation all your worries will simply lift away.  You'll come back and be a free-spirited mom without a care in the world.  I know this lady who couldn't stop worrying about her kids for 10 years.  Then she took a vacation.  And now she even let's her kids run around in traffic without a helmet.

Fertile Complaint:  I'm concerned that I may be pregnant again too soon.
My Advice:  Don't adopt.  Because everybody knows that adoption is a sure way to get pregnant.

You're welcome fertiles. 

I'm there for you.

Cheers.